Tuesday, June 9, 2015

The Heart Break and Mending of Medical Negligence

I've started and stopped writing this post numerous times. I'm not sure that anyone will ever read it but it's cathartic to write. There have been days that I felt that the weight of this would be the making or breaking of me. I've determined it to NOT be the breaking. The cause of Cody's disabilities was the medical negligence of others.  I can't be specific in that regard for legal purposes.

Parents of special needs children come by their role because of a myriad of causes. Some are by a genetic disorder, hereditary factors, environmental causes, deficiencies, accidents, and many are unknown. Regardless of the origin, it's equally difficult to accept. The fact that Cody's cerebral palsy diagnosis could have been easily prevented is a part of our family's journey. It's a journey shared with other families of children with special needs as well.

Here are some lessons I've learned (and continuing to learn) along the way:

1. Forgiveness is the most difficult and necessary tool in (any) life. I have to consciously and repeatedly forgive those responsible ESPECIALLY in those moments and days that are most challenging. On the days that Cody has had a seizure, experienced severe pain/a difficult medical procedure, planning his future, been slighted by others... it's hard to not feel the injustice for our boy and family. I confess that some of these difficult moments have been met with tears and anguish; that's when I've realized the bitterness that can incrementally creep into the heart, mind, and soul.  This quote by Corrie Ten Boom speaks volumes, "Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart." Ultimately, God has extended his forgiveness to me through Christ. Who am I not to extend forgiveness and grace when I've been forgiven of so much?
Colossians 3:13  ~ "Bear with each and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." 

2. I've discovered an empathy for others I never knew before. Injustices have occurred since the beginning of mankind. I've known people throughout my life that have been victims of abuse, violence, deceit, abandonment, etc... No one gets through life unscathed of some misfortune. People have suffered  because of their belief systems, ideologies, politics, race, and just for existing. I've realized even more since experiencing this with Cody that compassion and empathy should transcend the differences that we have with one another.

3.  Praying for those you have a grievance against makes it impossible to be bitter towards them. This was difficult for me at first; it's become the most liberating. I truly wish those well that have impacted our lives in this way. I pray that they can live in peace in regards to the events of that day and move on with their lives as we do as well. Nothing good could come from holding on to grudges. It only robs you of the best life you can live for yourself and others.

4. The blinders have been lifted and with that we have gained wisdom. Before our experiences,  I had  believed (almost blindly) that a person of certain medical position was nearly flawless. The truth is no one is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes but granted there are some mistakes that can alter the lives of others profoundly. We gained a wisdom from this experience to respect other's opinions but ultimately you are the greatest "expert" in regards to your loved one. If you have an instinct about yourself or another as a patient.... advocate, advocate, advocate! Your instincts may be proven or disproved but it should be pursued.

5. Living in the past blinds you from the good and beautiful in the present.  Acknowledging the negligence and dwelling on it are two very different things. Dwelling on the most painful life experiences can breed depression (I've been there), anger, and bitterness. I can't function to the best of my ability in helping Cody fulfill his potential if I'm living in the past.
"One day at time - that is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone and do not be troubled about the future for it is has not yet come. Live in the present and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering." ~ Ida Scott Taylor





Cody's smiles are awesome. 

11 comments:

  1. I love this post. Your transparency shows your true beauty. Cody is very blessed to have you as his mom.

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    1. Thank you, Carrie! You are a beautiful as well. I love keeping up with you on facebook.

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    2. So good, Annie. We all need to hear this.

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  2. This had to be both hard to write and hard to live. Beautiful.

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  3. Heartfelt and honest. Thanks for sharing!

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  4. My journey is nothing like your family's, but we are all a part of the human experience & we all do experience pain and anguish. I feel as if I needed to read this at precisely this time and I feel blessed to have stumbled across your writing at precisely the right moment. Thank you for sharing your experience and about the capacity to forgive. Many blessings to your beautiful son and the rest of your family.

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    1. Thank you for those kind words! It means a lot to me. It's cool that something I originally typed two years ago was what you needed today. I'll deal with these things the rest of our lives but so grateful for God's help. It's everything.
      Blessings to you and yours as well!!

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  5. Annie, very well written. Cody is blessed to have you and Scott as his parents. Forgiveness can be a process for sure - seventy x seven for the same event, as you feel the pain in seventy x seven ways. So thankful for God's mercy and grace given to you through this journey. Know you, Scott, Cody, and Hannah are loved beyond measure in Kansas

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  6. Sherry Haynes McreynoldsJune 11, 2022 at 12:01 AM

    I was 20 years old and pregnant. A couple in our Sunday School class expected a baby. Perfect pregnancy! I was at church making pizza for a party when the call came. The devasting birth left his parents with a baby that had 3 heart attacks before he was an hour old, oxygen-deprived, he was blind, deaf, and of course had CP. All medical accidents. When Cody was born I was sad and fearful and my memories of the Olsons were so present. As I thought, at the time, people forget these medical tragedies happen to young couples. Cammie and Scott were in their first year at Seminary. They were 23 and 21. No family to help. It broke my heart and scared me to death. I hope there is a better support network in place. These events happen to very young couples. I am sure there is a book inside you just waiting to be written.

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