Tuesday, June 9, 2015

The Heart Break and Mending of Medical Negligence

I've started and stopped writing this post numerous times. I'm not sure that anyone will ever read it but it's cathartic to write. There have been days that I felt that the weight of this would be the making or breaking of me. I've determined it to NOT be the breaking. The cause of Cody's disabilities was the medical negligence of others.  I can't be specific in that regard for legal purposes.

Parents of special needs children come by their role because of a myriad of causes. Some are by a genetic disorder, hereditary factors, environmental causes, deficiencies, accidents, and many are unknown. Regardless of the origin, it's equally difficult to accept. The fact that Cody's cerebral palsy diagnosis could have been easily prevented is a part of our family's journey. It's a journey shared with other families of children with special needs as well.

Here are some lessons I've learned (and continuing to learn) along the way:

1. Forgiveness is the most difficult and necessary tool in (any) life. I have to consciously and repeatedly forgive those responsible ESPECIALLY in those moments and days that are most challenging. On the days that Cody has had a seizure, experienced severe pain/a difficult medical procedure, planning his future, been slighted by others... it's hard to not feel the injustice for our boy and family. I confess that some of these difficult moments have been met with tears and anguish; that's when I've realized the bitterness that can incrementally creep into the heart, mind, and soul.  This quote by Corrie Ten Boom speaks volumes, "Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart." Ultimately, God has extended his forgiveness to me through Christ. Who am I not to extend forgiveness and grace when I've been forgiven of so much?
Colossians 3:13  ~ "Bear with each and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." 

2. I've discovered an empathy for others I never knew before. Injustices have occurred since the beginning of mankind. I've known people throughout my life that have been victims of abuse, violence, deceit, abandonment, etc... No one gets through life unscathed of some misfortune. People have suffered  because of their belief systems, ideologies, politics, race, and just for existing. I've realized even more since experiencing this with Cody that compassion and empathy should transcend the differences that we have with one another.

3.  Praying for those you have a grievance against makes it impossible to be bitter towards them. This was difficult for me at first; it's become the most liberating. I truly wish those well that have impacted our lives in this way. I pray that they can live in peace in regards to the events of that day and move on with their lives as we do as well. Nothing good could come from holding on to grudges. It only robs you of the best life you can live for yourself and others.

4. The blinders have been lifted and with that we have gained wisdom. Before our experiences,  I had  believed (almost blindly) that a person of certain medical position was nearly flawless. The truth is no one is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes but granted there are some mistakes that can alter the lives of others profoundly. We gained a wisdom from this experience to respect other's opinions but ultimately you are the greatest "expert" in regards to your loved one. If you have an instinct about yourself or another as a patient.... advocate, advocate, advocate! Your instincts may be proven or disproved but it should be pursued.

5. Living in the past blinds you from the good and beautiful in the present.  Acknowledging the negligence and dwelling on it are two very different things. Dwelling on the most painful life experiences can breed depression (I've been there), anger, and bitterness. I can't function to the best of my ability in helping Cody fulfill his potential if I'm living in the past.
"One day at time - that is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone and do not be troubled about the future for it is has not yet come. Live in the present and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering." ~ Ida Scott Taylor





Cody's smiles are awesome.